Tag Archives: #CambridgeNews

BRITs 2014: The top eight most annoying things

Watching The Brit Awards last night, I noticed that being over 30 now prevents me from knowing who anyone is. Not entirely. Some things gave my brain a flicker of familiarity (‘oh yeah, I sort of know that one’). On the whole though, I didn’t have a clue. I missed Geri Halliwell’s dress, I missed Liam Gallagher, I longed to see Jarvis Cocker making a protest. Other than being too old, here are eight other things which were very annoying:

James Corden

James was hosting for the last time and they made a very big thing about it. Everyone kept saying ‘thank you’ to him for doing such a great job. I hadn’t especially noticed him ever hosting the Brits before (except the Adele year). He took a selfie with Prince while Prince was making a speech (Don’t interrupt Prince!), he made cruel jokes at the expense of poor Justin Bieber, he kissed Nick Grimshaw on the lips. Annoying. Time for a new host.

One Direction

The boys looked a bit tired. There was detectable sadness in their eyes, their youthful twinkle dulled by three long years in the music business. The terrible things they must have seen! Especially Louis. While everyone’s watching that wayward cad, Harry, who is watching Louis? That boy is looking more dishevelled every time we see him. I’m worried.

Beyonce

Beyonce has made the annoying- list, but don’t get me wrong. Beyonce is the absolute queen of everything. she was resplendificent. She was magnificulous! (I have had to invent two words to describe her, because there just aren’t words).Wearing a blue sparkly dress straight from heaven and singing a song that sounded like joy, if joy were a sound. Beyonce is the best. How annoying.

Noel Gallagher, Kate Moss & David Bowie

I briefly nodded off during some act I’d never heard of, when suddenly I heard a familiar Mancunian voice. Shocked, I rubbed my eyes. ‘Oh my God, my time machine. It’s worked!’ There on the stage was Noel Gallagher and Kate Moss, being all Cool Britannia. Sadly though, they were just accepting an award for David Bowie.

Lorde

Current darling of the music industry, the multi award- winning teenager Lorde was there. She is 17. SEVENTEEN. I can’t even bring myself to write any more about her.

Pharrell

Every time I turn on my TV these days, I see Pharrell Williams, in his park-ranger’s hat singing Get Lucky or Happy. He’s on my TV, he’s on my radio. I wouldn’t be surprised if one morning I find him making toast in my kitchen. Pharrell, I like those songs but can you just get of my face for a few days? Please.

Ellie Goulding

She’s almost as omnipresent as Pharrell and during her performance last night, which I was quite enjoying, she inexplicably started playing the drums in a most hectic fashion. It was not entirely unlike Animal from The Muppets. Obviously intended as a cool instrumental interlude to showcase how musical she is, it just made me want to give her a hug and ask if she was alright.

And lastly, but most annoyingly, Arctic Monkeys

Last time I saw Arctic Monkeys they were a group of gawky teens from Sheffield singing pretty good songs. I liked them. But they have seemingly morphed into slick haired men, oozing arrogance and delusions of grandeur. They do things like dropping the microphone and say ‘invoice me’ or make a speech about glass ceilings and rock and roll. Someone on Twitter said, ‘now Jarvis, now!’ If only…

 

First published by Cambridge News

This week we’re worrying about…

Checking the news every day, there can be a lot to worry about. To make worrying easier, I have scanned the news for you to make sure your worrying is focussed and effective. Here are the four main things to worry about this week.

Flooding and sink holes

The flood waters are finally subsiding and those poor flooded people on the news are wringing out their clothes and returning, damp and dishevelled, to their depressing new lives of sweeping up mould and ruined carpet. East Anglia escaped again thanks to the good old fen drainage. Phew. But wait. Something much worse could be lurking and ready to strike. A SINK HOLE. You could be sitting in front of the TV, cosy in your front room, smugly watching people throw out their carpets and a sink hole could open up under your house and swallow your whole family into its muddy jaws of doom. Good luck.

White Dee

Channel 4’s series Benefits Street has had everyone talking. Should people be sitting around doing nothing while others go to work? Probably not. But are there legitimate reasons for them not working? Probably. Sometimes. Either way though, they all seem to spend a lot of money on fags which, when there’s not enough for 50p worth of washing powder, seems a bit silly. Mainly what’s worrying me is the rise and rise of White Dee. Self appointed ‘mother ‘of James Turner Street, her name sounds like it should be a candle fragrance, but one that smells of fags. She turned up on TV this week to take part in a debate about benefits. She had a new hair cut (long on one side, short on the other) and a sparkly evening top. Said she can’t work due to depression, but she seemed quite chipper. I’m betting she’ll be the next winner of Celebrity Big Brother.

Leonardo DiCaprio

Leonardo DiCaprio was nominated for a Bafta last week giving us a welcome chance to have a good look at him on the red carpet and a good reminisce about the days when he was our boyfriend (in our heads). As a person who has been genuinely in love with Leonardo for many years, it came as a shock to see him looking…39. With a proper man’s voice and a distinct thickening of the neck. What happened to Romeo? Jack Dawson? That kid from the nightmarish Basketball Diaries, which we were too young to watch, but did anyway because Leonardo was in it, even if he was taking heroin and covered with vomit for a lot of the film, he was still our boyfriend and we loved him. Leonardo Dicaprio is almost 40. Worrying.

Spring

It’s just around the corner! The daffodils are up and ready to go. Shoots! Little birds just ripe for a hatchin’! 11 degrees Celsius. Crazy people in T Shirts walking around town already. But I for one don’t feel ready. I don’t feel like I’ve been properly cold yet this Winter. I haven’t once worn my new gloves from Primark and they cost me £1 (for two pairs). Whereas usually Winter feels endlessly cold, dark and bitter, 2013/2014 has been a cinch. With the exception of massive flooding and massive sink holes, it’s been pretty easy in East Anglia. It makes me think something dreadful is on the horizon. A wet summer? A DRY summer? A dreaded drought! The seasons are increasingly haywire and whether you think it’s caused by climate change or not, we should probably keep recycling and catching the bus just in case.

 

First published by Cambridge News.