Soap Star Disasters
London. E20. Where no special occasion ever goes smoothly and you can abandon your market stall on a moment’s notice. In Albert Square, getting invited to a wedding, or deciding to go for a drink, is a very tense thing.
How much compensation would be due in the following scenarios?
1. When Phil was shot down his front steps, could he have claimed compensation for dry cleaning the blood out of his only nice shirt?
2. Could workers at the Car Lot claim for being forced to spend every day hunched sideways in a porter cabin? Come on Max, it’s time for a bigger office.
3. How much could the residents do with a night out that didn’t start in The Vic and end in the R&R?
4. How much would people save by going home for a cup of tea rather than always going to the caff’?
5. Likewise, could the residents make a saving by buying a washing machine rather than taking their clothes to the launderette?
(Sorry, we’ve got sidetracked)
6. How much compensation could Peggy Mitchell claim for having never had a single mouthful of her Christmas turkey before a fight broke out.
7. How much compensation would be due when the fairground collapsed in 2010?
8. How much compensation would be due when The Vic caught fire in 2010?
An additional sum is awarded each time someone asks, ‘What’s goin’ on?’ or says threateningly, ‘I said, leave it’.
The most famous and disastrous street in Britain, where members of your family are the people you should trust the least and the unhappy residents are probably due quite a bit of compensation after more than 50 years of turmoil.
1. How many people could have claimed how much compensation after a tram crashed onto the street in 2010 and trashed everything? (Hint: ‘everyone’ and ‘a lot’)
2. How much could the residents claim for the nuisance of Mary’s camper being parked permanently on the street?
3. Is compensation due anyone following the clearly limited career advice they’ve all had at school? The only jobs seem to be at ‘The Rovers’, ‘The Bistro’, the salon or Carla’s bra and knicker factory’.
4. Could Gail and family have claimed compensation after Richard Hillman drove them into a canal? Splash.
5. Could Deidre have a claim after she was wrongly jailed for fraud? Remember those glasses peering forlornly through the bars? It was a sad time.
6. How much compensation was due following the explosion of The Joinery on Peter Barlow’s stag do?
An additional sum can be awarded each time someone ‘pops’ to The Rovers, says ‘give over’, or asks for a ‘barm cake’.
Now we’ve travelled to the most dangerous village in Yorkshire, where no mode of transport is safe. In Emmerdale, it’s best avoid all of the following: Planes, buses, vans, trains, cars and…walking. In fact, just stay home, and even then, switch everything off to be on the safe side.
1.How much compensation could be due from the local hospital? No matter what they go in for, no one ever seems to come out…
2. Could the Sugdens have claimed compensation after a faulty boiler set their house on fire and interrupted their argument.
3. Could Katie Macey have a claim after falling into a mineshaft?
4. Could Jackson have claimed compensation after his van stalled on a railway line and he was hit by a train?
5. Could Genesis Walker have claimed after her car was chased over a ravine? (This might be a trick question. Think about it).
6. How much estimated damage was caused by The Great Emmerdale storm of 2004? Blustery.
An additional sum can be awarded each time someone says they’re ‘going to the Woolly for a pint’.
Over to a tumultuous village in Chester now, where disaster lurks around every corner. How much compensation would be due the victim in the following scenarios:
1.When ‘The Dog’ (pub, not pet) was set on fire, how much of the compensation money would Darren just gamble?
2. How much compensation money could Darren gamble in one afternoon?
(OK sorry, we’ll lay off Darren)
3. When Max Cunningham was run over on his wedding day, how much compensation could Niall have claimed for damage to his car?
4. Poor Tom Cunningham. Over the years, he’s had practically everyone he loves die in a tragic circumstance. How much compensation could he claim for childhood trauma?
5. How much compensation was due when a car crashed into the double wedding of Tony, Cindy, Ste and Doug?
6. Disasters don’t just mean flood, fire and theft you know. What about fashion disasters? How much compensation should the viewers be due after years of having to look at the McQueen family? Our EYES!
An additional sum can be awarded each time ‘The Loft’ burns down, an episode doesn’t begin with someone making their breakfast or Warren Fox reappears even though he’s blatantly ‘died’ several times.
Soap Star Disasters Survey commissioned by Branded3