This week I’m worrying about…

Euromillons winner, Neil Trotter

Seething with jealousy yesterday, I watched the Euromillions winner’s press conference. Neil Trotter and his partner Nicky Ottaway have scooped £108 million and there they were, bold as brass and  grinning behind their huge fat cheque. They’ve quit their jobs. They’ve been to look at cars. Yeah yeah we get it, just go! I was worried by two things: First, Neil said he was driving to work when ‘something told (him) to buy a Euromillons ticket’. What told you, Neil? A voice? A little beetle on the passenger seat? Was it the same thing that ‘tells’ me to recklessly throw my house keys in the river every time I walk across Magdalene Bridge? Because I’ve been ignoring that very hard, and maybe I shouldn’t. Secondly, with a quick raise of the eyebrows, Nicky said they’d been ‘emergency shopping’ the day before. For what? What did they need that they couldn’t have needed, before the win? Clothes? Food? What was the emergency? I’m worried. And annoyed. Seethe.

The new £1 coin

It’s been announced that we’re getting a new, dodecagon shaped (yes I looked it up) £1 coin which we’re told looks like an old threepenny bit. I don’t remember the old threepenny, nor the old six-pence shilling-a-bob and half a crown, but I’m told that for just a handful of them, you could buy a house? Apparently the new coin is to combat counterfeiting, presumably as thieves can’t be bothered to make 12 sided coins. George Osborne took the prototype coin round to show the Queen last night which hopefully went well. Should we be minting a shed load of new coins with the Queen on…at this stage?

Ely Cathedral

They’re filming again and this time it’s ‘Macbeth’ starring Michael Fassbender and Marion Cotillard.  If you take a stroll past today you’ll see movie trailers, lots of equipment, several huge, flaming torches and some actors striding round in Shakespearean robes. As a resident of Ely myself, I’m very excited to have such glamorousness beamed into my dreary life for a few days.  I’m sure Ely Cathedral is paid handsomely for lending itself to a film crew and fair enough, as it costs £2000 per day to maintain! Seems an awful lot. I digress. My main worry is the cast of ‘Macbeth’. What are they up to in the evenings? I’d like to hereby publically invite Michael Fassbender and Marion Cotillard round to my house tonight as I have some sausages that need cooking. See you at 7?

Sport Relief

Raising money for the poor and disadvantaged is an excellent way to spend time. However, I’m a bit worried about the lengths people are going to to raise money  for the cause. There was poor Davina a few weeks ago and her sponsored drowning in Lake Windermere. I still have nightmares about watching her sobbing and bedraggled on BBC breakfast that week. Next it’s John Clyde, who is covering 290 ‘brutal’ miles on foot, rowing and cycling. Frank Skinner who’s gravely afraid of water is going swimming, and David Walliams is swimming down the Thames. Unhygienic. What’s next? Ferne Cotton is dangled into a crocodile infested river? Fiona Bruce spends the night in a skip? Enough. Can’t we just donate the money without all this pain?

First published by Cambridge News


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